“King Kong Ain’t Got Nothin’ On Me!”
"It tasks me. It tasks me…"
In case you missed it, President Obama has swatted a fly. And PETA, ever the grandstanding political ghoul, has called him on it. Mr. President, if the economic recession has made casualties of No-Pest strips and fly swatters, I will contribute online loans for instant cash. I will protect my country’s leader from insect attack!
Who is more brutishly Stalin-like here: the crackpot organization that traumatizes young children with grotesque images of slaughtered meat and bloodthirsty moms, or the mighty president who smashes tiny insects with his bare hands? Please, Mr. Obama, assign me to a collective farm now, where I will be on 24/7 microbe watch. I will fight them off for you with carbonated cow manure!
PETA, don’t you have adoptable animals to kill?
Stories abound about PETA’s record of domestic terrorism. Furthermore, PETA may just be hypocrites. They want President Obama to save a fly, but they can’t seem to save over 20,000 adoptable dogs and cats?
A tiny fly is a nuisance that can spread disease. I’d say that animals higher on the evolutionary chain than a fly – like President Obama and myself – deserve to protect ourselves from bacteria and possible illness. I’d go so far as to say that it’s our genetic imperative. Did you kill those 20,000-plus dogs and cats because it was necessary for your survival, PETA? Were the cats trying to steal your breath at night?
They want their milk-the-president for attention time
PETA has apparently sent the president a “Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher.” This device that could easily be replaced by a cup and a piece of junk mail “allows users to trap a house fly and then release it outside.” Thank you, PETA. Did you consider Roald Dahl’s flytrap model as presented in “Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator?” It goes something like this (see Fig. 1, left). Notice the right ladder has a rung missing. Fly climbs down after sugar cube treat, missed rung, falls and breaks neck. This trap was designed by the military.
Brilliant! Leave it in!
“We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals,” said PETA spokesman Bruce Friedrich. “We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals.”
Obama the Flyslayer
During a CNBC interview at the White House, President Obama gave the insect fair warning.
“Get out of here,” he told the fly. When it didn’t, Obama’s fist became the change the situation needed.
At this point, PETA was breathing very hard, excited by the opportunity to grandstand. “That was pretty impressive, wasn’t it? I got the sucker,” bellowed Barack Hussein Obama. Or at least that’s what the sovereign citizens out there would like to think, if they weren’t too busy with their little birthing project.
Calling all sovereign citizens: I hear a snipe has his birth certificate. Go hunt!
Happy Bruce
Bruce Friedrich continued to dig in his nails so reporters couldn’t escape. He said that “PETA was pleased with Obama’s voting record in the Senate on behalf of animal rights” and praised the president for his stance on animal abuse. Yet the PETA Obama fly conspiracy indicates, in his mind, that “he’s not perfect. And we’re happy to say that we wish he hadn’t.”
Happy? Happy that someone of profile justified your existence? Aspire to bigger things, Mr. Friedrich. Stupidity is greasy; applied to your link of the evolutionary chain, you could slip down to invertebrate level. If you need an artificial spine, perhaps the instant cash of online loans can help.
Related Video:
